


The Great Three & Five Prank War

by mlraven



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: (no one loses a hand), Family, Fluff, Gen, Implied Two/Three - Freeform, It's not a real prank war 'til someone loses a hand, Nyx Lives, Prank Wars, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 22:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12542648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mlraven/pseuds/mlraven
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin.





	The Great Three & Five Prank War

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Damkianna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Damkianna/gifts).



> So you know how I've been writing you multiple (heretofore unpublished) Dark Matter fics since Yuletide 2015, while, in the same time, you've written and published several AMAZEBALLS fics for me? Well, I finally finished one!
> 
> Hopefully it hits your found family/Five & Three/ _Raza_ fluff desires!
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3

Six finds out about the prank war by tripping over it— literally. He almost walks straight into the trip-wire stretched across the bottom of the doorway to the mess before he hears an alarmed “Six!” hissed from the vent above his head.

He pauses and looks up. He assumes the blurry dark spot in the vent is Five, since no one else is crazy enough— or small enough— to try and fit themselves in the vents.

“Should I ask?” Six asks, quirking a smile up at the vent.

Five tries to peer past him to see further down the corridor, decides that he’s the only one within earshot.

“I’m waiting for Three,” she says in a harsh undertone. “He put rocks in my pillow! Small rocks, so that I didn’t notice until the third hour of bad sleep!”

Six grins and leans against the wall, shoving his hand in his pocket. “The nerve!” he exclaims. “So this is your revenge?”

Five smirks, and taps her fingers on the edge of the grate. “This is just the first step. Just wait, Three will be begging for my forgiveness any day now. Now shoo, before he comes!”

Six shakes his head and enters the mess, stepping neatly over the trip-wire. If Five and Three want to fight over who’s the biggest trickster on the _Raza_ , he’ll gladly leave them to it.

Maybe it’ll get Three off his back for a while.

  
  
  
  


One week later, it’s become apparent that Five and Three’s little trickster showdown isn’t little nor is it remaining between the two of them. So far the collateral damage totals:

one box of green protein bars (“Hey, those are my favorites! When you said I’d lose the things I love, I didn’t think you meant _food!_ ”); Five’s second-favorite screwdriver (“But I need it to fix the ship!”); and Two’s pillow, which somehow ends up shredded, displayed like a trophy on the table in the mess (“I thought it was _your_ pillow! What was it doing in your quarters, anyway?”).

After the pillow incident, Six has had enough. Clearly, nothing is sacred to Five and Three. Someone has to step in.

Two, Nyx, and the Android meet Six in the med bay, the one place that’s remained undisturbed by the feral pranksters.

The room looks as it always does; no smashed cabinets, every instrument where Devon left it. Two leans her butt against the edge of a worktable and crosses her arms.

“I assume you’ve tried to talk to them,” she says, voice dry.

Six sighs. “Yes, for all the good that did. Three still thinks I’m going to turn everyone in at the next ‘station, so he wasn’t very open to listening to me.”

“What about Five?” Nyx asks. “She seems to have forgiven you.”

Six smiles wryly. “She has, but that doesn’t mean she’ll listen. She didn’t listen to me even before I betrayed everyone.”

The Android cocks her head. “What about you, Two? You are our Captain; they should listen to you.”

Two’s lips quirk. “Just because they should, doesn’t mean that they do. But I have a different idea…”

  
  
  
  


It takes them several days of intentional misdirection, two surreptitious trips to the _Raza_ ’s recycling room, and six hours of frantic glue-gunning to craft their prank. On the third day while Three’s sparring with Nyx, Two and Android sneak into his room and do some rearranging. After Three gets tired of Nyx knocking him on his ass, she takes him off for a snack. Android distracts Five with an esoteric engine question while Six and Two rearrange her room to match Three’s.

They finish in time for Android to announce dinner. The saboteurs attempt to act normally; Six teases Five, Android watches interestedly as they eat the mashed purple grain/reconstituted yellow vegetable dish she’s cooked, and Two and Nyx banter with Three.

When they finish, Two offers to help Android with the dishes. Three takes off, claiming he needs extra sleep because of the demonic trick Five pulled last night. Five disappears into the vents, planning to evade any Three-set traps by entering her room from the ceiling. Nyx and Six make excuses to stay in the mess, waiting with bated breath to see the fruits of their labors.

All too soon, they hear twin roars of frustration echoing from Three and Five’s quarters. The partners-in-crime exchange grins and settle down to wait.

They hear them before they see them.

“—low, even for you—”

“—dare you touch Buba and Lulu—”

“—ESSENTIAL for repairs—”

“—next time Ferrous Corp comes calling—”

“—come down around our ears—”

“—dead in our SLEEP—”

“—don’t appreciate my work—”

They barrel into the mess, talking over each other. It takes them several minutes to realize that no one else seems surprised by the _gross crime_ of replacing all of Three’s guns and Five’s tools with cardboard replicas. In fact—

“Wait a second,” Three says suspiciously, attention swiveling from Five to the others. “Why do you all look like you found a secret stash of money and ammo and green protein bars, all in one place?”

Five turns too, taking in the smirks on their faces.

“You!” she gasps, pointing an accusatory finger at them. “You did this!”

Two coughs lightly and pushes her chair back from the table, standing up.

“Guilty as charged,” she says, crossing her arms over her chest comfortably.

Three gapes, mouth opening and closing soundlessly. Five debates whether either shrieking or crying will help her case.

“It was getting out of hand,” Six says simply.

“I was beginning to be concerned for the wellbeing of the ship,” Android adds earnestly.

Everyone looks at Nyx.

“What?” she says, smirking. “I knew how this would end.”

Three splutters for a moment, then chuckles ruefully.

“You got us,” he says, scrubbing a hand through his hair.

“I suppose we can tone it down,” Five agrees reluctantly. She offers her hand to Three. “Truce?”

He pulls Five into a one-armed hug and tousles her hair.

“Truce, kid.”

As they leave the room, bickering companionably, the saboteurs hear her say, “It’s too bad, I had a great idea for my next prank…”


End file.
